I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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