I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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