i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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