Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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