I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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