dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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