I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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