ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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