What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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