that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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