well you can't waste a boner
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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