they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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