My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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