ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
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He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
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Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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