So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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