So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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