Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize