We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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