Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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