Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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