He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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