I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
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there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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