I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
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you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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