so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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