Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
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she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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