Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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