am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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