Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize