I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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