is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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