May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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