I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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