Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize