pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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