Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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