and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Even my vagina gasped.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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