Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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