i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I could fuck to npr.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize