My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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