some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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