I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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