I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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