hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize