Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize