I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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