Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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