dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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