New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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