Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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