when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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